Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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