Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
