Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
