So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
