i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pooping to opera.
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