good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
