I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
