a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize