I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
