So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
