Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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