driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
