Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone shit on the floor
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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