he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
