I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
