i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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