she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
