My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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