There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
