I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
