My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
