U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were trust falling into bushes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
