first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
