I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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