You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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