i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
