i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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