Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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