are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
