I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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