You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
