i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
