I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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