So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
