is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
