just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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