Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
should my penis look like a turkey
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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