Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
