I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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