those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
