My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
