1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
