God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
