Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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