I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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