he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
