i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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