I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize