So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
