is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize