im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
