Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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