yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
