I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
