I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
