yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
