i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
