Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
