I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
