Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The best revenge is premature balding
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
