So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
