I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize