The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
