he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
