I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
