Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
