Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
