I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
