I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
