Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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