I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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