If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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