Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
