I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
