How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
